Artless Gamer

About things that aren't in the manual!

GotW: Bad Game Critics

Posted by Artless Gamer On December - 9 - 2009

trollI haven’t really had any particular gripes of note, lately. With games like Assassins Creed 2 and Modern Warfare 2 occupying most of my Xbox gaming time in recent days, I found it a bit hard to sit down and complain about essentially meaningless things. This little gem of a user review, however, prompted me to post a response. The following quote contains a brief user review of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, the predecessor of the recently released Infinity Ward title Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2:

The first Modern Warfare was fairly generic. I had always wondered why people went “OMFG EPIC LOLZ” about it. Sure, it was kinda innovative, and kinda unique, but when you get right down to it, you went from map to map, place to place, ducking behind cover long enough to heal, kill as many more enemies as you can before hitting near-death, ducking and healing, and basicly repeating the process.

This has to be the most generic, most unthoughtful and most dilettantish way to judge a game. Just about any game can be be broken down to its individual components and made look simpler or more boring than it actually is by judging it by its basic functions as a video game.

For instance:

Super Mario: Just run to the left or the right, jump on enemies and avoid the pitfalls until you reach the flag. Every few levels you fight a boss. Rinse, repeat.

Final Fantasy VII-X: You stand on one side of a screen taking turns hitting each other until someone falls over. Also cut scenes.

Burnout 3: Drive really really fast and crash into things.

Lost: They wander around an island for a long time.

You could continue this kind of game reviewing ad nauseam with any game imaginable. It is not a valid way to analyze a game and never has been. Even Pong doesn’t deserve to be viewed in that way despite it being one of the most simple incarnations of any video game. If I had to classify these kinds of reviews, I’d probably call it trolling. Or mom and pop didn’t get them the game for Christmas and now it obviously has to be a shitty game.

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Artless Gamer is actually a team of two inept gamers. We aren’t really good at any particular game but we have plenty of opinions to share with regular gamers just like us. During our humble beginnings on this blog we try our best to focus on news and tips that revolve around the little things in gaming that gamers often can not find in manuals. Too often does it happen that people face issues that aren’t quickly resolved by a look at the instruction manuals. We try to capture those issues and provide a solution for easy access.

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